ask and you shall receive.....

I remember a couple times, when times must've been tough, something came up to change the situation, and my mom would say that when you live right God always provides. I'm taking the offer I got today as I'm doing something right. Maybe it's ego-centric to think that way, but I really appreciate the opportunity, one that came to me by no initiation of my own, as a sign that something is being done right in our household (since it came at a time when things are going right for John as well.)

Memory attachments

Have you ever noticed how some things just have memories attached to them? How you will hold or smell something and think of someone?

I can't open a can of peaches or chew Juicy fruit gum without thinking of my "Popeye." Someone mentions asparagus and I automatically recall my mom retelling the story of me saying how I wanted to have "those funny green beans" more often. Strawberries make me think of all the times we'd go picking for my birthday, and how I'd normally get so sick from eating more than I put in the basket. I sit and color with JJ and think about the books upon books that my grandmother kept for ALL of us grandkids to color in (and since I was the last, those books were quite old, and quite colored in, by the time I got to use them.) I look at checkers or eat the white of sunny-side up eggs and think of my grandpop.

I think of all the little, mundane things we touch daily in life and how we unconsciously attach people to those things in our brains.

It makes me wonder all of the inconsequential things in our lives that will leave an impression on my boys and make them think of me.

The things you can't plan our are the things that make the biggest, lasting impact.

Spoiled?

This seems to have come up a lot lately....

Day told me today he's been told at school that he's spoiled. I remember what my mom told me, it's just jealousy, and yeah, that's probably what he's facing. We do live in a poorer (high taxed) area, so what he has is more than a lot. But it's not more than he deserves. It's just a shame because all those other kids deserve it just the same, all kids do.

Now myself, I was told this week by a coworker I was spoiled. Not in a bad conversation, someone else asked where I got a necklace, told her John got it at Friedman's for Valentine's Day for me. She said she got 1 on Canal Street (NY) for her daughter, a Tiffany knock-off. That's where I saw the style myself and asked for 1. That same night I came home later than normal, John asked me what I was eating, then offered to go get me Chinese. Yeah, I guess I am. And I thank God for John every day! After being the center of my Mom's world, I would be lost now if I didn't have him to dote on me. My Mom used to tell me all the time growing up that I was spoiled, just not rotten (she said I appreciated what I was given.)

It's a shame that the word has to have such a bad meaning behind it. Being given things in life does not come with the price tag of having a bad personality. Being self-centered or having a sense of entitlement is taught, and unfortunately, and those attitudes are across all economic brackets!

So, ok, I'm spoiled, and I see nothing wrong with any of my boys being the same!

Dreams for his future

Our oldest wants to be a NCIS agent. I think it's wonderful, how many of us knew with such conviction what we wanted to be. Sometimes we tease him, we'll call him Probie, for those that don't want the show it's the new guy, who also happens to be the techie. I guess it stands for "probation."

But this weekend while driving he and I were talking about it. He asked me if I thought it was stupid. Of course I told him no! Why would it be? I have family that was FBI, Secret Service, Capitol Police, NYPD, and of course John who was a police officer for local, state and federal agencies.

But it got me to thinking about it, just how many times was he told his dreams were stupid, or God forbid, that he was?

So, I've called my friend's parents (who John was also a cop with in Cambridge). I've asked when he's back state-side for him to give me a call to see if he will meet with Day. See, right now, he is NCIS, stationed in Guam. Not only do I want Day to see that an average Joe (yah, literally his name is Joe) can do it, so can he. But I'd also like Joe to tell him what classes to take, what he wishes he did, and what he thinks he could have done without.

A friend recently told me an amazing quote: "Your dreams aren't high enough if someone doesn't laugh at them."

I want all of my boys to place their dreams amongst the stars, and in the end, THEY will be the ones laughing!

Coloring....

Is there anything more peaceful than a child coloring? (Especially when it is not on your chair or wall?)

Is there anything more touching then when given the present of a freshly colored page?

Is there anything else to make a child feel special and loved that moment than hanging their creation on the fridge?

For my Christian friends

A close friend is trying to get her daughter into a private school. 1 of the requirements is to write an essay on when she found God. It made me think, how would I write that?

My answer would be that I didn't have to find God, He was given to me.

I was raised being allowed to go to any church that I wanted, whenever I wanted. Though of course with family that was mostly Catholic Churches. But, I find that totally different than having God in my life.

My Dad raised me with many scripture teachings, to the point in freshman English I knew what my professor was trying to say a certain books theme was; he really should have taught Theology. Even that isn't fully what I mean by being given God.

I was given God in my family. I was given complete, unconditional love. I was given a wonderful family with a fantastic childhood. Being raised with such warmth put in my head how much greater the love God has for me, to have given me so much. I look outside and see the trees, flowers, grass, animals - and think what a wonderful church He created himself, with not a beam, pew, or sound system. And what greater public speaker could there be than He himself? I was told to have a direct relationship with Jesus, and in turn, God himself. When I've had tough times I never blamed God or felt shunned, He didn't do the things to me or "allow" them to happen. He was there for me the whole time. When something wonderful happens I enjoy the moment and give thanks for the opportunity, hoping to share the joy.

It's not something I could easily write in an essay because it is ultimately indescribable.

But I do wonder, how would others explain themselves in this essay? Would they be able to sit down and pound out an clear cut answer? Or do others have a hard time finding the appropriate words to describe such an awe-some relationship they "found?"

5th month

Hard to believe Jamir has been with us for 2 months already! He's such a happy baby! We are spoiling him, it's hard not to hold him (and you all know we did the same with JJ.) His Social Worker said we were giving him high expectations, but you know, he should have them! All kids should!

Gonna do something for myself.....

I did say my New Year's Resolution was to do more for myself! And John's been so wonderful offering up times! From the scrapping days with friends, upcoming outlet shopping with just the girls, letting me plan a girls weekend away (guilt free) and even offering to take off & keep the boys so I could go to an adult-only family function next weekend. I love that he's been so supportive. It's not that he wasn't before, I just didn't ask that much.

I've always wanted to do Glamour shots, and a friend's friend is a local photographer who will do them at a much better price than the actual stores, and IMO, her pictures just POP. I also love that her style is so close to my secret desire for the 50's pin-up style pictures! But she doesn't just do the type of pics on her page, she's amazing with kids too!
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Snow-Hill-MD/Sweetest-Sin-Photography/298665926327?ref=mf

On that same note, I also already know who will be doing Day's senior pics next year. Her natural light photography is gorgeous, such a soft effect! She's the talent behind the pics I've posted here of JJ and bragged on her about. I want to get family pictures done once the weather gets nicer and all the colors come out. Gotta get on the ball and get up with her soon!
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Salisbury-MD/Bluebug-Photography/25084127940?ref=mf

There's so much local talent!

not why we foster.....

I just want to put out there, we are not fostering so I can stay home. I am not quitting my job. I like what I do, who I work with, and I think I'd go crazy home again, I was really close the last time, and as John can tell you, probably about to take him with me. It's also not for the money, anyone with a teenager can tell you that they are expensive, I can assure you the money goes right back to the kids. We don't turn in mileage vouchers or reimbursements for the trainings that we could be paid back for. That is NOT the reason we are doing this! Even John's "acting supervisor" made an off-hand comment about how we aren't raising the kids because we are being paid for them! WTF?! This man has 5 kids of his own, but its telling to the type of Dad he must be! I know some people might mean well, they aren't trying to be crass, but it still bothers me. Do we really seem like THAT types? I guess all-in-all, it kinda offends me.

We are doing this because we want to help and we have room in our family to add-on. We get so much out of this emotionally, which I have thanked our Social Worker for. I stand by the fact that anything you do in life is for selfish purposes, even helping others, it's because it gives you pleasure or purpose. So, yeah, it's self-serving, but not the way some people think. There's much more to life than money, I wish others felt the same way! Our government puts the value on those pieces of paper, but they could not place the value on what we have in our household.

Ok, thanks for listening. I feel better for the rant (again.)

Public Speaking

I always hated public speaking. When I had to give oral reports in school I cringed. My 5th grade graduation speech stunk, I was so nervous. In college to make things slightly easier I'd pick off the wall topics, giving myself some bravado, that the topics would be a little more interesting (sexual education, transmissions of diseases sexually, bilingual education and myths.)
So, now, Social Services has asked me to speak twice for them this month! The 1st is to help teach a class on Lifebooks, basically photo albums for children in placement which DSS wants foster parents to do with/for them. I'm excited about that one, I love scrap-booking, as I think is pretty clear. I've always loved photos, its memories of happy times and when you have a picture of someone, it means they hold some importance in your life. I think Lifebooks is a great things for kids, it can give them a sense of history, but also a sense of belonging.
The 2nd request is to speak at a PRIDE class. Those are the same classes we went through 2 years ago to become foster parents. Our social worker asked us to speak to share our experiences. John will unfortunately be out of the state until later that same night, but I'm all game to go in there with the 3 boys and tell the other parents what a wonderful opportunity they have in front of them, how much they will get out of it!
While I look forward to both opportunities, I'm also still a little nervous. I don't know these people, they don't know how I'm kinda quirky. Will they take me the wrong way? Will I just flub up because of butterflies? Think I better read up on public speaking some.
But, I do have to say, I feel very honored to be asked to do these 2 things!

Some scrap pages...

I haven't posted scrap pages in awhile! Here's some digi-pages I've done recently:

The Duggars news - I take offense

Someone brought it up at work, then I saw the magazine at the grocery store. People are asking when is it too much, basically stating the Duggars should stop having kids. What right do they have to question it? They aren't popping the babies out, they aren't putting a roof over their heads or food in their bellies. They aren't waking up in the middle of the night for a fever, a nightmare, or just to nurse. And their tax dollars aren't paying for the children either! The Duggars sustain themselves, sheesh, your tax dollars aren't even going to educate them, they are all home-schooled! My grandparents did it, they had 21 kids, raised 20, all without public-assistance, and yes, it was available back then. And do you know how friggin AWESOME it is to be a part of such a large family? Not just for family get-togethers, but also in the hard times, there's always someone there for you, you know you're never alone! I was so glad to share my family with John, he used to thank me after family affairs, something he hadn't really had. I'm thrilled that its something I can share with the boys and any other kids that come into our lives! It's a blessing that no one else can understand unless you've lived it and quite frankly, anyone else can just butt their opinions out! Sorry, I do take it personally, its as if they are talking about MY family at the same time.

Now, you want to complain, focus on the Octo-mom, go right ahead, your tax dollars are supporting her kids - ie, her plastic surgery addiction. 14 kids and she wants more for everyone else to support.

The baby

The little guy (nicknamed Booger, just for fun since JJ is Goober) is just so precious! He's gaining weight now that he's eating at level and the crying turned into constant smiles! Of course we're all attached! Anyone would be! It will be so hard to see him go if the judge decides he will go back to mom next week. But, we knew this getting in, and there will be more kids. We're going to get attached if we are to be the home life that DSS wants for these kids! Until the next child is placed with our family I will just focus on helping DSS teach the Lifebooks class next month as well as looking into "field trip" opportunities like the one to Medieval Times that I passed the info to our Social Worker on. It's so rewarding, like buying Day his 1st professional pics last month and planning his 1st Easter basket in April! I love these kids and I know we are blessed to have this opportunity to share our home and lives with them!

Snow, snow and more snow

I went in to work yesterday for all of 30 minutes, thankful I went in because I got paid for the full day without having to use personal or vacation time! I'm off once again today! Yah! An extra "weekend" with the guys! I'm really sick of the snow though, it has been going on way too long! We couldn't get together with my family before Xmas because of it and we've yet to have our family time! The past couple weekends we were stuck in the house, and while I love my job it still felt bad to only be able to go to work then be stuck home on my days off. The boys are enjoying it, but it also means with each snow day from school 1 more day before we leave in the summer to see my brother in Texas. I'm really not meant for it, out of 6 kids I'm the only one stuck where it hits? Where temps get so low? And of course, I'm the one with no insulation. Sheesh, the cold even followed us to Florida at Xmas! Oh, well. Looks like we will get more Monday so I'm just going to suck it up and deal. I do admit, it is pretty, but that's all I will concede.

Day off

How come a day off feels SO much different than a weekend? I'm home today, school and daycare were both closed for our foster-sons. Honestly, I was scared to go on the roads anyway, all the news said this morning was how they were all ice and snow on the backroads, the main roads were just "ok." I love working, but its not worth a life! So, I'll enjoy an extra day home with the 3 guys.
While watching morning TV the only thing I can think is how much I don't care about Brad & Angelina's relationship. Like my mom, I don't like them as it is, but for different reasons. Of course the fidelity issue doen't help them, but all I think is how charity begins at home and not 1 child have they adopted from their own country. They could be such role-models and help the waiting children here, but instead to me they seem to go after internation attention. Ok, I know, I'm being rather harsh, but I feel just a little cynical about Hollywood.